Teen Titans: Uncertainty 1
by Gleebits
Summary: One of a 9 part story I did a few years ago.


Teen Titans: Uncertainty Part I

(Teen Titans femslash of Raven and Starfire. Don't read if you don't like it)

Starfire sat on her bed, leaning up against the backboard. Her eyes were half closed, she felt overly warm but pleasantly so. She sighed, long and slow, and looked up, smiling. She giggled a little, and looked back down.

"This is most delightful" she said cheerfully to herself in an idle sort of way. She reached her hand down, and clicked. The sound of electrical humming sounded out through the silent room as Starfire felt her legs vibrate a little. Suddenly there was a knock upon her door, and she looked up again. The door opened before she could reply, and framed in the doorway stood Robin. He looked around, and then appeared rather taken aback.

"Starfire?" he asked, sounding frankly surprised. Starfire smiled back at him, employing the same carefree-grin she always did, devoid of any indication that she knew whether or not she was doing something odd. She still hadn't gotten fully to grips with all of the miscellaneous earthen social conventions, but she did feel the pleasant flutterings of affection for his presence. Seeing that Robin seemed to be a little startled, she felt her cheerfulness turn to mild bewilderment, and rubbed her hands together, trying to get rid of the moisture on her right hand.  
"Uhh... what are you doing?" Robin asked, cautiously.

"Oh!" Starfire said, catching on to what he meant. "Cyborg has introduced me to the wonders of the..." she paused for a moment, and then picked the laptop off of her lap, and set it down on her bed so that the screen faced Robin.  
"The um..." she snapped her fingers once or twice "Internet. At least I think that's what it's called" Robin walked over and leaned down.

"Huh" he said, raising an eyebrow "I didn't know you can read Chinese"

"Oh yes" Starfire said, eagerly. "I have been reading this delightful spider pit about Chinese food recipes" Robin looked at her, her emerald eyes sparkling with interest.  
"I've been reading all day" she finished, happily.

"You mean 'website' I think, Star. And yeah, I wondered where you'd gotten too. You never came down to breakfast"

"My apologies" she said, standing up. The flutterings inside her welled into something of a solid feeling now. She had a desire to do something fun in his company "Should you like me to come to the kitchen and eat with you? Please, let us go and-" she was interrupted by the loud blaring of alarms.

"Trouble!" Robin exclaimed.

Starfire looped the nearest building, skated passed the east-most wall of windows, and zoomed out into open sky above a forest of concrete. She heard the trouble in question several blocks before she reached it. She landed on a short building, and looked down as a sweep of scaly wings indicated the arrival of Beast Boy. Down below, cackling madly with glee, was a tall, blue-skinned man in a tuxedo and top hat. White hair smoothed into two sharp bunches shot out from beneath the hat, and a mask covered his eyes. Over his shoulder he was holding a patently too large bag that was leaking dollar bills. Half way through saying

"You know what they say folks, the show must go on!" and waving a black wand, he hesitated as a hole appeared in the road before him, and out grew, like a flower in moonlight, a blue cloak flapping in the wind.

"You know what else they say?" said Raven, giving the blue-skinned man a severe glare. "All good things come to an end"

"You're so right" the magician agreed, doffing his hat to her and revealing his bright blue bald patch.  
"And unfortunately for you, you happen to fall under the category of 'good things'" he cackled raucously as a giant rabbit hopped out of the hat. Raven zoomed out of the way as it came crashing down onto the road with a great 'THUMP!'.

"It's over, Mumbo!" Robin declared, leaping off his motorcycle, taking off his helmet, and pointing a confident finger at the magician.

"The curtain's not lowered on my act yet!" Mumbo laughed. Raising his wand, he cried "Mumbo Jumbo!" the shop next to the bank, a furniture store, broke open with a shattering of glass. Out of the broken shop-front flew several long poles, all sporting differently coloured drapery that was flapping up and down like enormous bat-wings.  
"Looks like it's curtains for you though!" Mumbo cackled, directing his wand at Robin. The curtains dived. Robin dodged the first, and then the second. The third one nearly caught him around his middle, but exploded into green flames as Starfire flew by and blasted it with her starbolts.

"Maybe the curtain ain't down" came a loud voice. Starfire zoomed out of the way as Cyborg, holding a concrete column, came running at Mumbo.  
"But how about the house!?" he brought the heavy masonry down on the magician. Without any sign of worry, Mumbo raised his wand and pointed it at the column.

"The only house I know is a full house" he sneered. The column gave an enormous 'Pop!', and turned into a television set. Cyborg looked down, and scowled. Tossing it aside, the television show "Full House" flickered for a second before the screen went to static. Mumbo laughed, but then stopped as several lampposts, a piece of the frame from the broken window, and a stop sign all stabbed down around him. Raven raised both her hands.

"I think it's time we put a lid on you" she said, lowering her hands and causing a manhole cover to clunk down on top.

"Trying to contain the action eh?" Mumbo asked, grinning wickedly. "Well I might as well tell you" he continued, giving his wand a flick "that I have the hole thing under control!" with that, a hole grew in the floor directly below him. He fell through with an ironic salute, the giant bag of cash becoming wedged and then disappearing with a comical flushing sound. Raven turned as Mumbo popped out of the manhole she had taken the cover from, laughed loudly, and began running down the street.

"After him!" Robin yelled. Starfire swooped down the street, Raven close behind her. Beast Boy in Kangaroo form was hopping over the rooftops while Robin skidded around the corner back on his bike, Cyborg just behind him in the T-car. Mumbo, apparently seeing the problem with his being on foot, raised his wand again.

"Now, now, Titans, does this seem fair?" he stopped running, skidding to a halt on the road, his wand raised high and giving a bright white flash. Starfire halted in mid-air, raising her arm to cover her eyes. When the light receded, she looked around. Her fellow Titans had paused as she did, and were all looking around to see what Mumbo had done. It seemed like he hadn't done anything. Mumbo himself had swung his cape over himself, and then revealed himself dressed less like a magician, and more like a circus ringmaster. He even had a colourful stand lifting him a few feet into the air. He was looking up, and following his line of sight, Starfire saw that a tiny andblack something was in the sky. Very quickly it was getting bigger and bigger, and adopting colour and pattern like a pinwheel. As it descended all around them, she saw that it was a giant Big-Top circus tent. The buildings all around vanished, replaced by stands, a ring, trapeze ropes, a net, and various other circus accoutrements.

"Get it? Fair!" Mumbo laughed. "And now, ladies and gentlemen!" Mumbo announced to the empty tent.  
"Ah present to you, ze amazing vaneeshing Titans!" he finished, with a French inflection. Starfire found herself suddenly in intimate contact with a lively looking rope. It wound itself around her, and faster than she could react, tied her up, spun her upside down, and dangled her over a lion cage she had been certain had not been there a moment before. She struggled to break free; the ropes should have been easily snapped! But they didn't snap, they merely coiled themselves around her like living snakes, lowering her slowly down into the cage where an angry looking lioness growled up at her. Looking quickly around, she saw that Robin had appeared on the trapeze wire, holding a long pole, a ball, a large metal hoop balanced on top of it, and for good measure, a large metal safe somehow balanced on top of that. Instead of a net below, there was a pit of spikes, which Starfire found to be frankly out of place. Beast boy had been transformed into a clown, and was being harassed by a tiny car that was chasing him around the ring. Cyborg had vanished completely, but not a moment later Starfire saw Mumbo juggling some blue, brown, and grey objects, one of which shouted indignantly

"Oh, I know you did not just disassemble me!"

Raven, weirdest of all Starfire thought, was on a unicycle. Starfire could only imagine that she was magically affixed to it, because she was visibly seething with anger as she held aloft a pair of muscular looking men who were performing mid-air acrobatics as she sped her way around the ring.

"Enjoying the show, Titans? I didn't ask if you'd come on down, since every audience wants to be part of the act!" Mumbo cackled. Tapping himself on the head with his wand, his usual appearance descended over him in a sprinkling of glittering dust. He scooped up the bag of money, and running like a stereotypical robber with the bag of swag slung over his shoulder, exited the tent.  
Starfire strained and grunted, trying desperately to get the ropes off. The lioness was crouching low, her tail swishing, ready to pounce.

"No eating me now, please!" Starfire said to it. The lioness ignored her, and leapt into the air. Starfire gave an "eek!" as its claws raked her hair.  
"Bad lion! Bad lion" she squeaked. Peering quickly around again, She saw Cyborg's left arm trying to fit the right arm back onto his torso. Beast Boy had managed to turn himself into a succession of fast running animals, but the tiny car showed no signs of slowing down. Raven's face was turning red with anger as the unicycle sparked and pulsed with black energy. Robin however seemed to be getting out of his predicament. Managing to hold up his heavy balancing act with one hand, he pulled out his grappling cable, and shot it at the centre support pole.

"Beast Boy! Move!" he yelled, letting go of his load and diving off the wire. The pole, hoop, and safe plummeted to the ring below.

"Yo!" Cyborg's limbs all rolled off in different directions. Beast Boy shouted "Dude!" and popped into a sparrow. The little car tried to continue following him, but with a sad little honk of its tiny horn and a crunching sound, it disappeared beneath the safe. The sound jarred the two muscle-bound acrobats from on top of Raven. Suddenly the unicycle exploded in black energy, and the two acrobats disappeared with a "Oh-" and a "My!.  
The ropes around Starfire seemed to grow restless at this turn of events. As Starfire tried to call out "Robin!", they zipped upwards and fastened smartly around her mouth, cutting her off. Robin landed expertly onto the floor, and with a newly un-clowned Beast Boy, was trying to help Cyborg pull himself back together. Meanwhile the lioness gave a particularly ominous growl, and leapt. Starfire gave a muffled scream, and shot eyebeams at the ropes. The ropes didn't break, but they did burst into flame. The lioness pounced, but just as her jaws were about to fasten around Starfire's head, a piece of canvas coiled down into the cage and wrapped itself around the lioness, pulling her down to the cage floor. The ropes wriggled, and then burst off her with a fizz of black energy.

"Oh, thank you, friend Raven!" Starfire gave the hooded girl a bone-crushing hug.

"Star!" Raven gasped. "Mumbo's getting away!"

"Oh" Starfire said, letting go of her. No sooner had she done so then the entire tent began to vanish. The ring constricted itself back into a road, the unoccupied seats all turned back into buildings, and the big top itself vanished in a puff of smoke.

"He got away..." Robin said, narrowing his eyes as they all looked around, but could see no sign of him.

"We should get back to the tower" Raven said, rubbing her shoulder "If he goes anywhere else the computer will pick it up"

"You're right" Robin said. "Let's go"

"Hey! Guys!" they all looked around. Cyborg's head glared at them "Err, a little help here?" he said, sardonically.

"No problem, Cy!" Beast Boy said, cracking his knuckles. Cyborg turned pale as Beast Boy turned into a gorilla and started picking up his various pieces.

"Déjà vu..." Cyborg said, weakly.

Back at the tower, the Titans convened around the main monitor. A giant screen that, just to show off its sheer coolness, could expand its picture onto the windows behind it. As monitors flashed and the screen flicked over a giant blue and white map of the city, they all looked grave. Well, Robin and Raven always looked serious, but even Cyborg, Beast Boy, and Starfire all looked with unusual intensity at the screen. Starfire looked over every detail, from the intricate lacework of white lines, to the little date and time in the corner. Saturday, 12:47pm.

"It's no good" Robin concluded, finally. "He's gone"

"We'll just have to wait for him to appear again" Raven said, monotonously.

"Soo um... what do we do now?" Beast Boy asked, cautiously. Starfire thought he looked like he was hoping for Robin to say they could just go.

"Nothing for now. Just keep an ear out for the alarm" Robin said, switching off the monitor and beginning to walk out of the room. Beast Boy pumped his fist into the air and mouthed the word "Sweet!", then legged it ahead of Robin and out of the sliding door.

"Okay" Cyborg said, shrugging "See ya later, y'all. Gotta go fix my hands. I think somehow both of these are left ones" he said, holding them up and examining them.

"Robin" Starfire called to him. Now that the mission seemed to be over for now, she had an idea of re-issuing her offer of doing something together.  
"If we are having the time, then perhaps we could-"

"Sorry Star, I need to investigate if there's anything else Mumbo could be planning" Starfire felt her heart sink a little. One of them anyway.

"Oh... then perhaps you'd like some assistance" Robin looked back as he reached the door. His expression was far from unkind, but it was firm.

"Thanks Star, but I really work better at this stuff alone" and with that, he exited the room. Starfire felt her feet hit the floor, lacking the joy to sustain her flight. Perhaps Raven, the only other one in the room, noticed this.

"Don't take it personally, Star" she said "That's just how Robin works."

"I know..." Starfire said. She went to walk out of the room, but heard a slight rustle of clothing, and thought that she sensed movement. She looked back, but Raven didn't seem to have moved, and was looking out of the window. Despondently, she went back to her room.

The delight of the internet no longer seemed to be so enthralling. She looked over the news, googled some semi-interesting things about foreign cuisine, and even tried to find some amusing videos on youtube to watch. But nothing worked. She wanted to do something with Robin. She sighed.  
On an impulse, she went back to google, and typed in her problem, hoping to find some solutions. Unfortunately, the results were primarily things that sported 'XXX' in the title, and said things like "50 failsafe ways to make your man look at no other girl", or "Does he know what you want?", which despite the err... colourful detail, didn't really solve her problem.  
She rephrased her problem, and came up instead with a number of forums. The first thing she found was a top-rated response to a question which, in short, outlined the reasons why one should turn to their friends for help. This seemed like sage advice to Starfire, who immediately set off to find a friend to ask.  
Half way down the hall, she paused.

"But who should I ask?" she said out loud. After some momentary deliberation, and a bathroom break, she determined first upon Beast Boy. Knocking on his door, she heard a muffled cry of fear, and thus rushed inside, starbolts ready. Beast Boy was standing pressed against his television screen, staring at the door in terror.

"It's not what you think!" he said, panicking. Starfire lowered her hands, confused.

"Um... What isn't what I think?" despite his best efforts, she could still see the screen, and could hear what the show characters were saying.

"-incess Celestia, ah wanted to share mah thoughts with you... I didn't learn anything!"

"How is that cuddly looking pink animal holding a pint-mug with its hoof?" Starfire asked, pointing at the screen. Beast Boy opened his mouth, sweat beading his forehead, but no sound came out.  
"Is there something wrong? Why do you try to cover the screen of the television?" Starfire wondered through the many, to her vague, human concepts of social interaction that might help to explain this situation. Nothing came to her, but helpfully at that moment, a quietly mocking voice came from behind her.

"Because Beast Boy is a..." Cyborg began, then pausing apparently for dramatic effect. "Brony" he said in a loud whisper. Beast Boy turned pale. He looked like a human-sized, furry lima bean.  
"And his favourite pony is Fluttershy" Cyborg carried on, with the sort of relish in his voice that one might have when hammering nails into the coffin of a much loathed enemy.

"H-H-How could you possibly know that?" Beast Boy asked, weakly. Cyborg grinned, ear to ear.

"It's okay, BB" he said, strolling into the room, and wrapping a thick arm around Beast Boy's scrawny green shoulders. Beast Boy looked as though he were expecting to be tortured, with much insertion of pointy metal objects and removing of entrails.  
"It's okay" he said again "but seriously, Fluttershy? Rainbow Dash is way cooler"

"Dude!" Beast Boy exclaimed, the colour rushing back into his face. Cyborg laughed, letting him go and smacking him on the shoulder.  
"Dude, why didn't you even tell me?"

"Aww, come on man. You couldn't expect me not to mess with ya first"

"Don't tell me Robin knows too" Beast Boy said sounding horrified "or Raven!" he trembled at the thought.

"I don't know about Raven, but I know for a fact that Robin's favourite is Luna"

Starfire decided to leave them to their very confusing conversation, for she doubted she could get a word in edge-ways whilst they whooped and laughed. She was disappointed that she hadn't gotten to ask either of them about her problem, but then after a little thought on the matter, she decided that perhaps they weren't the best ones to talk to about it. This however, left her a little at a loss. Usually whenever she had a question about something, Robin was the one she went too. She couldn't really do that right now though. The only person left to ask was...

"Raven?' the door slid open a crack. From within the tangible darkness beyond the sliding door, Starfire saw a half closed purple eye looking back at her.

"What?" asked the eye. Stafire hesitated. She realised that she had not really thought about how she was going to phrase her question, and so stood with her mouth slightly open, completely at a loss for what to say. Raven's eye regarded her impassively.  
"Do you need a moment?" Raven's voice asked.

"No, I just... well I have a question I need to ask you" there was a pause.

"And this question is...?" Raven asked. Starfire didn't reply. Her face worked with the effort of thought, until Raven said.  
"Is this about Robin?" Starfire must have given a start of surprise, for Raven opened the door entirely, and beckoned her in. Starfire didn't know why, but Raven looked a little annoyed. She supposed that she had interrupted her in meditating or reading, and it was putting her out of temper.  
"Starfire, if this is about earlier, I already told you-"

"It's not entirely about earlier" Starfire wasn't looking at Raven, whilst Raven's gaze never left the orange alien girl. Starfire's eyes fixed on a quick succession of objects: Raven's bed, one of the many shelves of books, the window, Raven's shoe, her own interlocked fingers. Finally she managed to look up at Raven, who stared back at her with the same look of indifferent half-interest she always exhibited.  
"It's more that... well, I don't understand"

"Don't understand what?"

"I don't understand..." she peered around, as though looking for eavesdroppers. Perhaps without really meaning to, she leaned in close to Raven, who turned her head slightly so that her ear was directed towards her.  
"I don't understand if, maybe, I like Robin" there was a second pause. Raven gave her a very long, hard stare, a penetrating sort of glare. At the same time, Starfire got the feeling that perhaps she was thinking about exactly how to phrase what she was going to say after she'd thought of it.  
"I tried looking on the interconnecting webs in the computer, and it said I should ask my friends for advice"

"And so you came to ask me?" Raven asked. If Starfire hadn't known better than to attribute emotion or feeling to Raven, she'd have thought she saw a little gratification in her tone, mingled with scepticism.

"Well, I went to ask Beast Boy first" Starfire said. Raven's expression shifted slightly. Well, anyone looking at her would have been hard pressed to say if it did, and if so, what part of it changed. It was more like the lights in the room, of which there were none, had shifted position, and cast different shadows across it.

"You went to ask Beast Boy for advice on relationships?" Raven asked, with as much incredulity as her indifferent tone would permit. She frowned slightly, and then amended her previous statement.  
"You went to ask Beast Boy for advice on anything?"

"Well..." Starfire felt the heat rise in her face "he is the only friend I know to have been in an intimate relationship before. I thought if he had any advice about how he and Terra..." she didn't finish. Raven was looking away from her, as though deep in thought. Eventually she sighed.

"Sit down Starfire" she said, walking over to the bed and sitting down on it herself. Starfire sat down opposite her, crossing her legs. Raven interlocked her fingers, leaning her head upon them in a meditative sort of way.  
"You know" she began "that I don't... do well, with emotions" Starfire nodded, wondering where she was going with this.  
"I wonder if you're sure about your feelings in all of this"

"Sure about them?" Starfire asked. "I'm not sure what you mean"

"Well" Raven began, sounding again as though she were weighing out her words. "I know that your powers are fuelled by your emotions, and so you have a pretty good grasp of what those feelings are, how they work and everything. But there are some feelings that are..." she snapped her fingers and scrunched her lips a little as a sign she was trying to find the right word.  
"More complicated" she finished. Starfire nodded, cautiously. "I just wonder if the feelings that you think you have for Robin are what you think they are" Starfire frowned.

"I don't understand" she said, feeling a sort of movement in her chest, rather as though something warm, yet also heavy was stirring within it.

"Well" Raven went on, raising a finger "what would you call the feeling that you have about Robin?" Starfire frowned some more at this. She had supposed it was affection, some high degree of affection, like one should feel towards a friend. Yet this mental certainty didn't seem to coincide with the feeling she felt. If she was obligated to describe it, she'd say it felt as though she were trying to put the square shape into the triangle hole on a child's toy.

"I don't know...," she said, quietly.

"Then the first thing to do" Raven said, reasonably, "is to find that out. Then the rest will likely become clear" Starfire blinked, feeling hopeful.

"You think so!?" she said, excitedly.

"Yeah" Raven said, unenthusiastically. Starfire leapt forward and hugged her. Raven's face went a little pink, contrasting brilliantly with her usual grey. She looked a little annoyed at the close contact.

"Oh thank you, friend Raven!" Starfire said, loudly. Raven pushed her gently to arms length.

"No problem" she said, shoving her, not roughly, off the bed and out of the door.

Starfire felt on much surer ground, and had to stop herself giggling aloud as she paced her room. For lack of anyone else to actually talk to, she addressed Silkie.

"It's wonderful!" she said, passing her bed for the twenty-second time. "All I have to do is figure out exactly what this feeling is, and I shall know exactly what to do!" she said again to the worm-like mutant. Silkie chewed contentedly on Starfire's bed sheets, evidently paying her no mind.  
"But how do I do that though?" Starfire wondered aloud.

She determined upon drawing up a list of every feeling she thought might coincide with what she felt, most extreme at the top, and least likely at the bottom. The list ran from "Love" at the top, to "comradeship" at the bottom. The direct middle one said "Friendship", and in between this and the other two were some fifteen-to-twenty other words. She affixed this to her wall, and stared at it, muttering to herself.

"Loyalty..." she mused. "I do feel the loyalty. But then" she went on in her head "I feel loyalty to all my friends" looking up and down the list, she fixed on another word. "Crush".  
"Having the 'crush' might fit" she wondered. She went to her laptop, and typed it in to the online dictionary. Several meanings came up, but the one she was looking for read

"An intense but usually short-lived infatuation.

The object of such an infatuation: Who is your latest crush?"

Reading this a few times over, Starfire felt the beginnings of dread taking over her. This information presented her with a possibility, a most discomforting possibility. What if any feeling she had towards Robin, whatever the feeling actually was, was just a temporary infatuation? She knew from her k'norfka that at her age, she was to expect emotional upheavals and uncertainties. She pondered this hard, worry overtaking her.

"Raven!" she almost shouted, knocking the door in what she hoped was a calm, gentile manner. The door shook, and only managed to open half way because of the enormous dents in it.

"Yes?" Raven asked, looking mildly alarmed at the destruction of her door. Starfire slid into the room and grabbed Raven by the shoulders, shaking her perhaps just a little too hard as she wailed at her.

"Oh Raven, the most horrible thing has happened Might have happened! Might perhaps happen!"

"Starfire!" Raven said, loudly. "You're making me sick!" Starfire stopped shaking her, but her hands seemed unable to let go of her shoulders. Raven looked a little green, but then blinked a few times, apparently to stop her head spinning. After a moment she took a breath, and sighed.  
"Now, what is it?" Starfire began to speak, but Raven put a finger to her lips. "You know what you're going to say, right?" she said, warningly. Starfire nodded.

"Mm hmm" Raven took her finger from Starfire's lips, and cringed slightly, as though expecting Starfire to yell what she was about to say. It was a justified fear, since Starefire did in fact say what she wanted to say in a rather louder voice than was necessary for someone who was being held closer than arms length.  
"Oh friend Raven! I have done as you suggested, and tried to find what it is I feel for Robin! But I fear that the answer is a terrible, terrible one!"

"And what's that?" Raven asked, still trying to lean back a little from Starfire's loud voice.

"I fear that my feelings might only be temporary! I think I might have... the 'crush' feeling" Raven seemed to consider this.  
"Oh Raven!" Starfire said, loudly again. "How do I find out if this is so?"

"Well" Raven said, coming to the end of her rumination "I don't know, Star" Starfire looked as though she were about to cry, and Raven, apparently noticing this, cast around desperately for something to say to stop her.  
"But maybe" she said, and hope filled up Starfire's face as devastated as it had been before.

"Yes?" she said, eagerly, pulling Raven closer by the shoulders. Raven leaned back, wondering why people feel the need to invade personal space.

"Maybe you could... I don't know, kiss or something" Starfire blinked.

"Kiss?" she said.

"Err, yeah" Raven said, feeling the immediate danger averted. She continued "Usually when people feel this kind of question, they kiss. It... conveys thought or... emotion, or something... I guess" she said, feeling uncomfortable in this unfamiliar territory.  
For her part, Starfire thought she understood. She remembered when she first came to Earth, she had gained knowledge of English via what she later found out to be called on Earth, a 'kiss'. A regular thing on Tamaran for learning such languages.

"So... does that hel-?" Raven began to ask. She was cut short as her heart gave an enormous leap in her chest, and Starfire's lips met hers.

\- To be Continued


End file.
